Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
