So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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