Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
