I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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