if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
