why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
