so explain again why im purple
no
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
