Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
