3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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