Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
