How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
