matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
