I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
