I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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