If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
