So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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