I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
