I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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