nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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