Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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