You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
