my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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