OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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