Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
