I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
