I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
