last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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