dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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