it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
