Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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