My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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