Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
