Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
