I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
