So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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