this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
