i was born a porn star she said
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
