too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
