I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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