You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have started to decorate penises.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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