My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
