I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
