We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
