i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
