The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
