I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
