I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she peed on how many people?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
