Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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