I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Do vagina's smell?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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