She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
