Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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