honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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