I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I puked a lego.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
