There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
