Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm always down for nudity.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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