she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
