Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
